Yesterday was easily one of the worst days I have experienced so far in my 19 years on this earth. Yesterday I realized Im alone, REALLY alone. I realized I have not one person who genuinely wants to spend time with me, and I mean not just because they feel obligated or they feel bad for me. I realized yesterday I don't even have Drew anymore. I spent all day crying in my room alone. My friends were all out together and Drew was mad at me and ignoring me. I decided that I wanted to smoke hookah in my room alone to try and relax, and when I went to his house to pick it up, he was having a party. One that  I was purposely not invited to. I felt like I had been stabbed in the chest. A feeling I have never quite so prominently. He awkwardly invited me in and I had no choice but to join the party in my pajamas with no bra, no make up, and eyes sore from crying. I sat in the corner while no one talked to me, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I had crashed my boyfriends party that I wasn't wanted at. Apparently all his friends think I'm boring and always sad, but how can I be any different in a situation like this one? As they were all leaving to go to the next party, all I wanted to do was get in my car and drive away as fast as I possibly could, only to find that my car had died & was out of gas. If I was not mortified enough everyone at the party watched as the boys had to push my car back into a parking spot. Drew yelled at me and said I ruined his night and now he had to stay and help me, which just hurt me more. Luckily his friend had a car, and his friend Taylor took me to get gas, while Drew returned to his friends. At that moment, I realized I had no one. I have no one that thinks of me first when they plan a night out, no one who thinks to invite me or even who cares if I am alone on a Saturday night. I went home and packed all my things as fast as I possibly could. All i wanted was to go home. All i wanted was a hug from my family, and to be surrounded by people who genuinely care about me. I planned to drive all night and surprise my family in the morning when I arrived. I drove for about an hour each way in the pitch black night. I drove as fast as i can, screaming and crying at the top of my lungs, a moment I will never forget, and a feeling i truly believe was rock bottom. My eyes were tired and sore from crying, so after about an hour, I decided to turn back, another moment I wish i could undo. I drove to Drews and he was waiting up when I got there, he didn't seem to think he did anything wrong, and i just kept crying and crying only making him more angry. We continued the talk this morning, and I truly believe I've lost him. i believe my hole is so deep that i can't climb out. I believe that he won't give me a fair chance to change, and that I will end up alone. He is so convinced that I'm ruining everything, when all i want is for him to WANT to spend time with me, something that makes me very happy. I don't know what i should do, i know he is unhappy so maybe i should let him go. He is so much better off without me, yet its so hard because he is the one thing i have that makes me happy. He can't even spend a whole day around me anymore. Everything in my life is crumbling beneath me. I need someone to talk to, someone who will be my friend all the time, not just when its convenient for them. I just need to feel wanted, and loved.